happy new year everyone !

Di saat sedang cuba bangun dengan bersungguh, di pinjamkan DIA dengan kekuatan melalui penulisan orang lain. terima kasih sudi berkongsi ! :)

 

...

"Ada perasaan kelam yang menenggelamkan.

Kabut ribut yang melanda hati, Tuhan saja yang tahu.

I learnt a few things for the past months.
To let go of people I adore by caring less, to let go of attachments to things I have.

It's hard. And I have regrets. Must let go of the regrets too.

I just cannot letgo of my burdened destructive self.

Quoting Luna;
'I need someone who can protect me. From me.'

Semoga kita-kita lebih gigih mendekati Tuhan hendaknya."
--pisey

 

 sedar diri. 

"Sejak meningkat dewasa (ke tua?) aku cuma berani cakap tentang hal-hal yang dah pernah aku lalui. Aku dah tak akan hentam dengan penuh emosi tentang sesuatu isu. Even kadang-kadang bila berbual dengan Nurul dan cerita pasal sikap orang tua pun, akan ada "Harap kita tua tak macam tu la. Mintak jauh"

Ya, ayat-ayat sedar diri.

Belum rasa, belum tahu.

Simple as that.

Kita akan di duga dengan sesuatu yang paling kita taknak jadi dan paling kita benci.

Kita tak tahu sengsara orang lain macamana.

Kita tak tahu macamana struggle seseorang itu untuk mempertahankan apa yang dia ada.

Kita tak tahu berapa lama sabar yang dia cuba tahankan.

Kita tak tahu dah berapa bulan dia makan hati dengan pasangan dia.

Aku rasa tak adil langsung kau nak hentam orang (yang kau tak kenal lansung pulak tu) dengan begitu emosi. Benda jadi bersebab. Tuhan kata jadi, maka jadi lah. Kenapa kita nak berlebih-lebih dengan dugaan kehidupan dan rumahtangga orang lain?

Kalau dah pernah rasa, sepatutnya bagi semangat je sudahlah.

Kita ni manusia, memang selagi tak terduduk selagi tu mudah je nak menghukum orang dan anggap yang bukan-bukan tentang orang lain. Kau tak ada kat tempat dia, kau diam lah. Walaumacamana teruk perangai yang dia dah buat, kau bukan Tuhan."

--hidd mihat

 

 

 

It was all worth it.

 

"Keep in mind, it was worth knowing and loving you, even for a short period of time. It was all worth it. And I regret nothing."

I'm not sure why we are so keen on doing this in the first place. It should have ended a month ago. But I managed to convince her to give us a second chance, and she bought my words, and now we have finally decided to stop fooling ourselves. Because at this point, it has to stop.

Like I said, I regret nothing. It did not end over some petty thing, or silly argument, or us getting sick and bored of each other's presence. We just happened to reach an impasse on how to get through this relationship together. In other words, we couldn't see us being 'us' in the near future. There's just no point in trying anymore.

No one can deny the chemistry that existed between us. We clicked almost instantly. We can share and talk about anything. Music, religion stuff, general thing in life, relationship, marriage and so on. Sure, we may not have similar opinion on so many issues, but I cherish those differences. Because that makes two of us. I wouldn't be attracted to her if she was the kind of girl that simply nodded at everything I say.

This is the girl who stole my heart. The girl who used to be a part of my love life. I had let my guard down just for her. It's not easy to get rid the thoughts of her from my mind. In fact, her presence still lingers around me.

Especially in my writing. It reeks of her. For the past few months, I have written a lot, and I'll still be writing about her, but not as frequent as before. I promised myself to write ninety-nine lengthy notes to her. And I got stuck at seventy-two. Up until today, I couldn't finish writing her a letter in Bahasa Melayu. Oh, how unlucky.

She said I'm a good writer. But that's not the real reason she fall for me. I jokingly said, "Next time, please don't date a writer. Cari yang senang bawa you keluar makan dan jalan-jalan, that should be enough."

I have never been in a relationship before, where the feeling between those two involved are mutual. Never been in one. This is the first time. I have to admit, I'm way too emotionally attached, more than she can even imagine.

We have never put label on us or on our relationship. And I have never dropped the L bomb as well. I have only said it once a month ago, in a desperate attempt to keep her around. But I meant every word I have ever said. Every single one of them. I guess some part of me was too afraid to be tied down with commitment and stuff. Because I'm pretty good at fucking things up. As I never tire pointing out to her, "I like you, and I like what we are having right now."

"I don't think this is the end," she said. "We don't know what the future holds for both of us."

Perhaps we are now back being a stranger who knows a little too much about each other. I'm really glad we remained on good terms. I can still talk to her like usual, without being an awkward potato. Sure, things are going to change here and there. But we are both adult enough. We will manage somehow.

I'm an idiot. But I'm an idiot who treated her well. I told her it was never my intention to be friend with her in the first place. The moment I get the chance to know her, I said to myself, I'm going to chase her and make her fall for me. And I have succeeded.

She now insisted on us back being friend with each other. That's fine by me. To be honest, I still value her existence. There's no reason to cut her off entirely from my life. I can thoroughly accept the fact that we are no longer doing this whole relationship thingy together. For every conversation, meeting, argument and everything, counts as a life lesson for me.

This is not a breakup note. This is more of an appreciation note. I could write a whole lot more. Maybe some other time, in another notes. I'll stop here, for now. I've said it twice, and I will say it again. I regret nothing.

--alep

let's be a better person.
--together.

bye 2015,
thanks for everything.

hye 2016,
let's rock !

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terima kasih sudi singgah dan baca ^^,

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